An opinion question...

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Overreacting or not

Yes, you're overreacting
13
81%
No, she needs to snap out of it and move on
3
19%
 
Total votes: 16

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Destroyer72
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An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

So I've got a minor quibble in my family that's been annoying the hell out of me lately.. involving a cousin on Facebook. I can't really talk about it there without opening a can of worms.. So I thought I'd ask you guys. Haha

Tell me if I'm overreacting:

My cousin had a baby a couple years ago.. Well the baby was born with what they call trisomy 13 . Only lived 5 weeks and never left the hospital.

So the kid passed away I think it was two years ago this past April. My cousin just will not let it go. Every other day she's on Facebook, crying and mourning posting pictures of the kid in the hospital with hoses and wires attached to her..

"My little angel, I miss you, my sweet sassy girl". And on and on it goes. She's even pregnant again, due in September, with a healthy baby boy, but still can't stop with the past.

I'm just getting so irritated with her. I want to yell at her to snap out of it. She even had the gall to say that losing her dad and grandmother was bad but the pain of losing her child was omg . The worst ever.

Even tho this kid would never live a normal, healthy life.. and her parents and grandparents gave her years and decades of love and happiness.. 🙄.

So tell me:. Is she a nutcase that needs to snap out of it and move on.. ?

Or is grief a stage that people go through?

I personally don't feel it. I mean I can understand it's a sad and difficult thing. But my gosh.. the kid didn't stand a chance and made virtually no impact whatsoever. To compare losing that kid to someone's parents, or to people who've lost older healthy children to disease or accidents.. It's really an insult to them, imo.

She needs to shut up and move on already.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Bruce »

Just ignore what you don't want to read. I have a hot friend Carla. She was always a ballbuster, but she wore it well, because just being around her is ... intoxicating. But more recently, she's become this intolerant social justice warrior, always 'sharing' insane posts and quoting absent opinion. Its like her accounts been taken over by a bot. Deep down, she probably means well, but -- to be completely honest -- I mostly keep her on because of the past.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Grand Classic »

I understand how you feel and I don't think you are in the wrong here.

I love actor David Krumholtz's take on his half sister who posts on Facebook. I think you will agree with him too.

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Re: An opinion question...

Post by In the Suds »

I think you are on the wrong track when you are comparing grief. I mean this stuff about ''he didn't stand a chance or make an impact'' and it doesn't compare to losing a healthy kid..etc. Whether or not you think it compares she is still a mother who lost her child. It's a devastating thing. And as for the grandmother thing...who are you to say she's wrong for saying the experience of losing a child was worse for her? Talk about gall.

And you always have the option of not reading her stuff. So I am going to say you are the one who is wrong here. Don't get mad. You asked.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

In the Suds wrote: Sat Aug 14, 2021 1:26 pm I think you are on the wrong track when you are comparing grief. I mean this stuff about ''he didn't stand a chance or make an impact'' and it doesn't compare to losing a healthy kid..etc. Whether or not you think it compares she is still a mother who lost her child. It's a devastating thing. And as for the grandmother thing...who are you to say she's wrong for saying the experience of losing a child was worse for her? Talk about gall.

And you always have the option of not reading her stuff. So I am going to say you are the one who is wrong here. Don't get mad. You asked.

I'm not mad. I'm open to all opinions here, that's why I asked.

I'm not so much frowning on her grief as much as I am here constant need to push it in everyone's face. We've all lost people we love. I think she should just give it a rest. Especially with a new baby coming soon.

Back in the old days . I'm talking hundreds of years ago . Infant mortality was fairly high and common. Many children didn't live past 5 for a lot of reasons. But, life goes on.

She has an older child too. She posts more about him than the dead one. I can close my eyes and see that kids face perfectly. 😆

Imo, social media has created a sort of mutant mother. The kind that obsesses with their kids ava you're going to be in it or else. I've always been rather modest when it comes to my kids. I brag and talk about them on special occasions. But other than that, I keep things to myself.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

Grand Classic wrote: Sat Aug 14, 2021 1:00 pm I understand how you feel and I don't think you are in the wrong here.

I love actor David Krumholtz's take on his half sister who posts on Facebook. I think you will agree with him too.

2 hours?!

I'll give it a listen. Hopefully. Lol

But appreciate the support. 👍
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Grand Classic »

Destroyer72 wrote: Sat Aug 14, 2021 1:58 pm
Grand Classic wrote: Sat Aug 14, 2021 1:00 pm I understand how you feel and I don't think you are in the wrong here.

I love actor David Krumholtz's take on his half sister who posts on Facebook. I think you will agree with him too.

2 hours?!

I'll give it a listen. Hopefully. Lol

But appreciate the support. 👍
I linked it so it starts right at the part I am talking about. Like 2 minutes of listening.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by richardsimmons »

Everyone grieves differently, & that’s ok.

You are overreacting. She can do what she wants on her page.

Don’t like her? Unfollow. That’s ok too. You can do what you want on/with your page.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

Grand Classic wrote: Sat Aug 14, 2021 2:01 pm
Destroyer72 wrote: Sat Aug 14, 2021 1:58 pm
Grand Classic wrote: Sat Aug 14, 2021 1:00 pm I understand how you feel and I don't think you are in the wrong here.

I love actor David Krumholtz's take on his half sister who posts on Facebook. I think you will agree with him too.

2 hours?!

I'll give it a listen. Hopefully. Lol

But appreciate the support. 👍
I linked it so it starts right at the part I am talking about. Like 2 minutes of listening.
Oh ok. Cool.

Yeah, I totally agree with that guy. Just stop it already. Lol
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

richardsimmons wrote: Sat Aug 14, 2021 2:21 pm Everyone grieves differently, & that’s ok.

You are overreacting. She can do what she wants on her page.

Don’t like her? Unfollow. That’s ok too. You can do what you want on/with your page.
I know I have that option. But I don't like unfollowing people. I suppose I'm a glutton for punishment. 🤷‍♂️.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by kissthat »

She carried the baby for 9 months,doesn't matter if it lived 3 minutes or 60 years.

If she's posting her thoughts on her FB page and not yours, not your concern, unfollow and it won't show up in your feed and you can just go see what she's saying when you feel inclined.

Grief is hard, unless you've lost a child ,it's hard to comprehend.

You said she's pregnant again, Hopefully this ends with the birth of a very healthy baby. It ending like last time may be something that she'd never recover from.

EDIT, I said UnFollow,not UnFriend. All that does is keep it out of your feed and you can go her FB Page anytime you want to catch up
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

I've actually tried the taking a break option for a while. But then I miss out on everything she's posting. So when she's posting about the new baby or something else.. It looks kinda obvious that I'm ignoring when I'm silent as the grave. Lol

I do like the girl.. She's sweet. Just a tad odd. Overbearing and self centered.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

Bruce wrote: Sat Aug 14, 2021 12:31 pm Just ignore what you don't want to read. I have a hot friend Carla. She was always a ballbuster, but she wore it well, because just being around her is ... intoxicating. But more recently, she's become this intolerant social justice warrior, always 'sharing' insane posts and quoting absent opinion. Its like her accounts been taken over by a bot. Deep down, she probably means well, but -- to be completely honest -- I mostly keep her on because of the past.
I can't stand people like that Brucy. Past or no past, that's one id definitely delete, permanently.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Bruce »

There are days!
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by ludzil »

It appears she is still grieving from the loss of her child. Perhaps she could seek counseling.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by firekiss »

I have a friend who still grieves for her still born baby that she had to give birth to 18 years ago. For the first 5 years it was a constant depression. All you can do is be there for them.

Having said that, and just my opinion, it's Facebook. Facebook, or any social media shouldn't be that important. If it is, like I keep getting told here, just scroll on. Not much else can be done as no one can set a time period on another persons grief and how they handle it.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

firekiss wrote: Sun Aug 15, 2021 4:20 pm I have a friend who still grieves for her still born baby that she had to give birth to 18 years ago. For the first 5 years it was a constant depression. All you can do is be there for them.

Having said that, and just my opinion, it's Facebook. Facebook, or any social media shouldn't be that important. If it is, like I keep getting told here, just scroll on. Not much else can be done as no one can set a time period on another persons grief and how they handle it.
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by So Cruel »

Why I’ve never bothered with social media. It’s an odd situation. I can’t imagine losing a child but I also can’t imagine I’d continuously post about it. It seems attention seeking but she also faced something tragic. If I was in your shoes I’d let it be unless you’re extremely close to her and would be the one to have the chat with her about the situation. All the best.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by KISSTRONAUT »

I’m a guy. I don’t do social media. I have had two siblings that have lost children. It’s a loss you never get over. I can’t imagine losing a child or sharing so much personal information. I’d give her a lot of leeway. People cope in different ways.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

So Cruel wrote: Sun Aug 15, 2021 7:05 pm Why I’ve never bothered with social media. It’s an odd situation. I can’t imagine losing a child but I also can’t imagine I’d continuously post about it. It seems attention seeking but she also faced something tragic. If I was in your shoes I’d let it be unless you’re extremely close to her and would be the one to have the chat with her about the situation. All the best.
That's what I don't understand. WHY keep posting about it? What is she trying to accomplish by putting it in people's faces day after day.

I mean yes, there's the it's her page she can do what she wants thing.

But there's also an idea of being courteous. Modesty and common sense. Like the old saying.. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

I could go out on my lawn and jump around naked. It's my lawn. Scroll on by if you don't want to look at me.. 😆.

See what I'm getting at? I'm gonna put her back on ignore for a while. She was really getting on my nerves today. 🤷‍♂️
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

KISSTRONAUT wrote: Sun Aug 15, 2021 7:29 pm I’m a guy. I don’t do social media. I have had two siblings that have lost children. It’s a loss you never get over. I can’t imagine losing a child or sharing so much personal information. I’d give her a lot of leeway. People cope in different ways.
Kiss-tro-not.

What does being a guy have to do with being on social media? 😆
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by KISSTRONAUT »

Destroyer72 wrote: Sun Aug 15, 2021 8:10 pm
KISSTRONAUT wrote: Sun Aug 15, 2021 7:29 pm I’m a guy. I don’t do social media. I have had two siblings that have lost children. It’s a loss you never get over. I can’t imagine losing a child or sharing so much personal information. I’d give her a lot of leeway. People cope in different ways.
Kiss-tro-not.

What does being a guy have to do with being on social media? 😆
Sorry about that :wink: I just meant being a guy, I have no idea what it’s like to be a woman, carry a life inside you, give birth. Not to mention having the infant pass away. I’d just stay in my lane on this one.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by sugardaddy »

I know a woman who would frequently post photos of her stillborn child. I just blocked her posts on fb.

Some people just love sympathy
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

sugardaddy wrote: Sun Aug 15, 2021 10:01 pm I know a woman who would frequently post photos of her stillborn child. I just blocked her posts on fb.

Some people just love sympathy
EXACTLY.

That's what I'm talking about. It's not about grief. It's about what kind of reaction she can get from people.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Black Ace »

I know people who cook chicken and rice for their dogs. They feed them scrambled eggs mixed with broccoli and carrots - basically a clean bodybuilder’s diet. They even bake them sugar free natural peanut butter cookies. God damn dogs eat better than I do.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Destroyer72 »

Black Ace wrote: Mon Aug 16, 2021 8:44 am I know people who cook chicken and rice for their dogs. They feed them scrambled eggs mixed with broccoli and carrots - basically a clean bodybuilder’s diet. They even bake them sugar free natural peanut butter cookies. God damn dogs eat better than I do.
Wrong thread Mr Ace. But I do like that for the other thread. Lol!

I feed my Dolly strawberries, watermelon and peaches when we have them for snacks. When we have chicken or meat I'll give her some.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Black Ace »

:lol:
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Kissoff »

Destroyer72 wrote: Sat Aug 14, 2021 11:58 am So I've got a minor quibble in my family that's been annoying the hell out of me lately.. involving a cousin on Facebook. I can't really talk about it there without opening a can of worms.. So I thought I'd ask you guys. Haha

Tell me if I'm overreacting:

My cousin had a baby a couple years ago.. Well the baby was born with what they call trisomy 13 . Only lived 5 weeks and never left the hospital.

So the kid passed away I think it was two years ago this past April. My cousin just will not let it go. Every other day she's on Facebook, crying and mourning posting pictures of the kid in the hospital with hoses and wires attached to her..

"My little angel, I miss you, my sweet sassy girl". And on and on it goes. She's even pregnant again, due in September, with a healthy baby boy, but still can't stop with the past.

I'm just getting so irritated with her. I want to yell at her to snap out of it. She even had the gall to say that losing her dad and grandmother was bad but the pain of losing her child was omg . The worst ever.

Even tho this kid would never live a normal, healthy life.. and her parents and grandparents gave her years and decades of love and happiness.. 🙄.

So tell me:. Is she a nutcase that needs to snap out of it and move on.. ?

Or is grief a stage that people go through?

I personally don't feel it. I mean I can understand it's a sad and difficult thing. But my gosh.. the kid didn't stand a chance and made virtually no impact whatsoever. To compare losing that kid to someone's parents, or to people who've lost older healthy children to disease or accidents.. It's really an insult to them, imo.

She needs to shut up and move on already.
I grieved the loss of my one year old pug Moe for years writing to him every day. It takes time. She's honoring her child.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by metalfuel »

Grieving is something very personal, everybody does it in his own way.
Ignore her posts if you don't like it.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by Ace of Bass »

Just don’t follow her on Facebook. Let her grieve in her own way. The poor woman probably desperately needs emotional support and a therapist.
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Re: An opinion question...

Post by muzik_guy »

Chances are her posting this stuff is cathartic to her. Maybe putting unfiltered transparent posts out to the world about her grief is helping her to overcome it. Sort of exorcising that demon, as it were. People do strange things when they're mourning but because it's such an intensely personal thing, it's maybe best to give her that even if you don't see its usefulness.